4. Roald Dahl, Just as bees will swarm about to protect their nest, so will I swarm about to protect my nest of chocolate eggs. Why don't you take my Whatchamacallit and slip it up your Bit 'O' Honey?" Chocolate has also been called the food of the devil, but the theological basis of this claim is obscure. Do you know a bakery around? I asked him where he got that from.He said, I always have a few Twix up my sleeve.Theyve unearthed a sarcophagus in Egypt filled with chocolate and nutsThe mummy was wrapped in gold foil, so they believe it is the legendary Pharaoh Rocher.I identify as a chocolate barMy pronouns are her/she.What kind of chocolate does the dryer like?Lindt Chocolate.A mummy covered in chocolate and hazelnuts has been discovered in EgyptArchaeologists and historians believe it must be Pharoah Roche. I heard you are a chocolate lover I guess we are compatible darling. Theres nothing better than a good friend, except a good friend with chocolate. C? A chocolate bar. I never eat the peanuts anyway," the old man replies. 3.14159265. No, that's not an epi-pen in my pants. Life is like a box of chocolates, It doesn't last too long for fat people. I love a man with chocolate on his breath. Chocolate mousse! In yet another Laugh Factory gaffe in July 2012, Daniel Tosh found himself the subject of intense public pressure after joking about a gang rape. Penny Kris-Etherton, Ph.D., Pennsylvania State University, Chocolate just stands out [for antioxidant content]. What is the chemical formula for the molecules in candy? Nuts just take up space where chocolate ought to be. Its also not funny to cry over chocolate milk spilled! My tongue still craves your kind of sweet baby. Chocolate, dark chocolate, chocolate truffles, Strength is the capacity to break a chocolate bar into four pieces with your bare hands and then eat just one of the pieces. It is free and the FUNNIEST Newsletter you will ever receive! One day he finds a magic lamp on the beach. Whats a monkeys favourite kind of chocolate? You are so sweet, I would eat you over chocolate any day. Q: Why did the Oreo go to the dentist? One day, while the old man is away from his desk, the young man yields to temptation and scarfs down over half of the contents of the jar. A Butterfinger! Whos there? Women Yo mamma so dumb, if her brain was chocolate it wouldn't fill a M&M. A Kitty Kat bar! All Rights Reserved. #3. Health Because I want to cum inside your chocolate factory. Weirdly, I've been taking some anti-impotence medication for my sunburn. Chocolate is an excellent energy booster, but it can make kids go crazy if they overeat. Hot chocolate. "nobody cya tief like me! (LogOut/ Strength Copy This. Apparently, Cadburys is making an oriental chocolate bar. ao! This term is searched 200,000 times on Google and we wanted to add a few of our own naughty jokes to the mix. The perfect Valentines Day treat for anyone who loves chocolate (which is pretty much everyone). Funny Cookie Jokes That'll Make Your Heart Crumble. A Kit Kat! !. Are you chocolate? Chocolate Jokes Dirty Jokes dirty What is a monkey's favorite cookie? Because he wanted to be a Smarty. Youre hot, and I want to be on top of you. may say Im a dreamer, Emperor Montezuma said: We challenge you to try not to laugh while reading these out loud to your friends. Were I to impregnate you, in several years the child will purchase you flowers and chocolates. You never know what youre gonna get. If one swallows a cup of chocolate only three hours after a copious lunch, everything will be perfectly digested and there will still be room for dinner. Such things are not going to affect ones lifebut 1932 the Mars Bar and 1936 Maltesers and 1937 the Kit Kat these dates are milestones in history and should be seared into the memory of every child in the country. My favorite is the old man trying to get to the chocolate chip cookies. Check it out. 6. It is certain that we have more collections for you if you have enjoyed this collection of jokes about chocolate. Because he was choco-LATE for the bus! Hey can you accompany me? The man replies, "And he ate that much chocolate?". Because she was a Her-She-y bar! Half dark and half light chocolate. Anthelme Brillat-Savarin (1755-1826). document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); This is a text widget, which allows you to add text or HTML to your sidebar. Snickers he only snickers! You never know what youre going to get when you open a box of chocolates. ", Ones about Easter eggs theyre morbid! Foiled again. What kind of candy is never on time? An old man and a young man work together in an office. What are the 4 major food groups? Hey baby, want to have some fun with me along with some chocolate tonight? Miranda Ingram, All I really need is love, but a little chocolate now and then doesnt hurt! Sweet, smooth, and they usually head right for your hips. Sweetie I can be your sweets in this world full of bitter people. A: Because no one wants to quit. Darling you are enough sweet for me. Girl, I love how you melt this hard chocolate bar with your mouth, perhaps you can melt something else tonight. My day got sprinkled with love! I saw a joke about chocolate bars but it wasn't that funny So I just snickered. What does a person with no arms say when trying to eat a Hersheys Kiss? What is a feminists favorite chocolate bar? Dave Barry, Eating chocolate can have significant influences on mood, generally leading to an increase in pleasant feelings and a reduction in tension. ", responds the alien. What did you guys do? Nitric oxide plays such an important role in the maintenance of healthy blood pressure and, in turn, cardiovascular health. You must be over 18 years old to visit this site. Make sure to tell these to true . When people dessert you, eat ice cream! a!. MOVIE URBAN LEGEND: Roald Dahl hid a dirty joke in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.. Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory is a beloved children's film and one of the things that people definitely love about it is how edgy the whole thing is. Lick my fingers like you could not get enough of me like you do to your sweets. Laugh along with more jokes! Sandra Boynton, Chocolate: the Consuming Passion, Las cosas claras y el chocolate espeso. Nestle Crunk bar. How can you tell that a blondes been baking chocolate chip cookies? The male whale recognized the ship that caught his dad whale a year ago. 2. No, the boy replied. Knock knock! A mum to her son: Yesterday there were two chocolate cakes in the pantry and now theres only one. What is an astronauts favorite chocolate? While there he notices the nurse is giving his father hot chocolate and Viagra. Ted, Queer Eye For The Straight Guy, Fruit of all the kinds that the country produced were laid before him; he ate very little, but from time to time a liquor prepared from cocoa, and of an aphrodisiac nature, as we were told, was presented to him in golden cups I observed a number of jars, above fifty, brought in, filled with foaming chocolate of which he took some Bernal Diaz del Castillo, member of Corts force, describing a meal of emperor Montezuma, 1519, Let us celebrate our agreement with the adding of chocolate to milk. On a cold and gray Chicago mornin where was another little baby chocolate bar born? C? Everyone got a piece. ), or just manually add the email addresses you'd like to keep in your contact list. Police put out an alert that they are looking for two hardened criminals. Sugar is derived from either sugar cane or sugar beets. 81.12 % / 2071 votes. if (year<1900) {year+=1900} document.write(year); Copy This. Nibbling is not enough, know that I want to devour you fast. Stay out of those, said his wife, theyre for the funeral., A young girl was at the dentist for a check up. Are you Willy Wonka? Dr. Bachot, 1662. What's the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball? You know youre a chocoholic if, when the leaves change in the fall, you start gathering Almond Joy candy bars for the coming winter. What do you call stolen cocoa? Chocolates can give us a lot of emotions. If it aint chocolate, it aint breakfast! What kind of bar is kid-friendly? Have you seen all jokes? You're a chip off the old block (of cookie dough). If they dont have chocolate in heaven, I aint going. Please sign up with your best email address. You can use them to display text, links, images, HTML, or a combination of these. Chocolate chimp! Milton Hershey, Never mind about 1066 William the Conqueror, 1087 William the Second. Am i enough for you? Youll find here clean chocolate jokes and puns for chocolate lovers that you can share with everyone like your parents, school teacher, etc. Please add a link to this article. Santa's little helpers sure do have a sense of humor. These are great. 10) Dirty Harry: A middle-aged septic tank maintenance man with an aversion to bathing and a love of off-color jokes is taken by surprise as his family and friends stage an intervention. "Keeps him from falling out of bed. Whats Snoop Doggs favourite chocolate bar? Hershey. My pronouns are her/shey. There are two types of people in this world: People who love chocolate and liars. 7. Choc it up to experience.Double choc everything.Here you bar.This will definitely come in candy.Im chocolate to my appointment!For their summer holiday, the chocolate couple rented a two-bedroom sweet.That was really dairy of you to throw a chocolate bar at me in the street.You can only drink hot chocolate all year long if you are cocoa-nuts.For their dessert, most French cats like the chocolate mousse.The monkey that comes over at our place loves chocolate chimp.The electricians favorite ice cream flavor is shock-a-lot.Talking is frowned at in the local chocolate factory, so I only wispa when I get there.These days, shoes are called snickers.Dont fight with me over chocolate because I am not someone to be truffled with!Chocolate coins are mint to be eaten.I always have a couple of Twix up my sleeves. Are you Hershey's chocolate? I can definitely make an adjustment for you. Bob Greene, Chocolate makes everyone smile-even bankers. It may not be true, but do I dare take the chance? Did you hear about the love affair between Mr. Goodbar and Peppermint Patty? My wife hates it when I swap her chocolate bar wrappers around. Better late than never, right? ( Ice Cream Jokes) What one thing became more clear as you got older?. Could be a Chinese Wispa. Are you chocolate pudding, because I want to spoon you all night long. Why did the M&M go to University? It doesn't cure it, but it keeps the sheets off my legs at night. What occasion do cute chocolate bars look forward to all month? Seduced by the chocolate side of the Force. Because you are the only one that can satisfy me. So noble a confection, more than nectar & ambrosia, the true food of the gods. I heard a rumor that Cadbury is bringing out an oriental Cadbury crave bar. You and me are the perfect batch. Whos there? We can feel a lot of emotions when we eat chocolate. Our selection of dark chocolate jokes ranging from chocolate bars to chocolate cookies will make you laugh so hard. Because I want to take your top off and gobble you up. Im sure chocolate lovers like thesefunny chocolate jokes! After a bar of chocolate one can forgive anybody, even ones relatives. my favorite is the m&m racist oe lol why are there no white m&ms. Some of those jokes are dirty jokes (never appropriate but) always funny. The day after when all the chocolate goes on sale. Friend 2: Can't, I'm not black. It was all I could do to hold the Snickers and Crackle as my Butterfinger went up her tight little Kit Kat and she started to scream "Oh Henry, Oh Henry!" When it comes to stealing chocolate bars I feel like I went to heaven full of chocolate upon getting a taste of you. [1] Quick, Funny Jokes! A naked man broke into a church. 131 Star Wars Jokes That Definitely Have The Force. A: The letters a and o are reversed. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray, I want to lick your body the way I would lick anything with chocolate. The man says, "And the Viagra?" - The word "commitment" doesn't scare off chocolate. Chocoearly. Cruller to be kind. 1. . Mr. Goodbar! All evidence to date suggests its chocolate. What do you call Chewbacca when he has chocolate stuck in his hair? The man sitting next to him looks over and says, "Eating that many chocolate bars are bad for you.". For their summer holiday, the chocolate couple rented a two-bedroom sweet. Momma always said life is like a box of chocolates. We've got all kinds of funniest dirty minded jokes covering from the nasty dark humor to toilet humor as well. If you were my husband I would poison your tea. Why don't bananas snore? I am craving for you more than I am craving for hot chocolate. Comment * document.getElementById("comment").setAttribute( "id", "ab818a5f89fd344f6f5c1b7530f931de" );document.getElementById("h2249d7876").setAttribute( "id", "comment" ); Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. Are you a chocolate bar? Nothing else comes to mind to finish this rhyme, so I'll just spit it out - most importantly, you gave us the Star Wars . I dont think theres anything hotter than a chocolate but hey! You can call me metronidazole because I do great work below the diaphragm without needing air. What do you call a cow with a stutter that makes chocolate milk? Ill eat anything! Did you hear about the love affair between Mr. Goodbar and Peppermint Patty? Alicia Silverstone, The taste of chocolate is a sensual pleasure in itself, existing in the same world as sex For myself, I can enjoy the wicked pleasure of chocolate entirely by myself. Hell hath no fury like a woman who has sworn off fudge and chocolate. Chocolate is a serious thing! The man sitting next to him looks over and says, Eating that many chocolate bars are bad for you. Make a list of these one-liners and then roll them out like Maltesers. Regardless of whether the chocolate is black, milk, or white, there is something really luxurious about eating chocolate, especially when it comes from big brands. Cao-cao! We forget that chocolate is derived from cocoa beans-the fruit of the cacao tree-a fruit that is a rich source of these potentially beneficial substances. Nibbling would be enough for now because I would like to save you forever. Ah, chocolate: one of life's simple pleasures. Who doesnt love chocolate? Food Puns. Change). EMERGENCY ALERT: If wearer of this shirt is found vacant, listless, or depressed, ADMINISTER CHOCOLATE IMMEDIATELY. Just ice cream. the cashier said " sure" "hand me a chocolate bar" he ate it. If our research results continue to support a link between consumption of flavanol-rich cocoa and nitric oxide synthesis, there could be significant implications for public health. I dont know babe but I think my love for you is enough to stop your cravings for sweet. A man found a magic lamp on the beach. Easy Copy & Paste! Why? 1. Here, have some chocolate. Candy! I always have a couple of Twix up my sleeves. There was a sign next to it saying, "what ever you wish for comes true once you slide down". PayDay! John Milton, The Devils Advocate. Babe you look absolutely better when you take that wrapper off of you. Apparently, he still had a few twix up his sleeves. (Ideas should be clear and chocolate thick.) 1 views, 0 likes, 0 loves, 0 comments, 0 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from Scooter: Haunted Explorations - Overnight Challenge - Exploring With Josh! I dont know about you but sharing this bar with you feels absolutely right. You can give without loving, but you cant love without giving, and the gift of chocolate is the most loving of all. I love the smell of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies They smell just like burned toast. Turn off the lights.I just saw an aircraft made of bubbly chocolate. - If you bite the nuts, the chocolate won't mind. It is well to abstain from chocolate in order to avoid the familiarity and company of a nation so suspected of sorcery [Spain]. "I will grant you three wishes," says the genie. Then he wished for a convertible, and poof! Its my favorite feeling. C? ", A elderly retiree wobbled gingerly into an ice cream shoppe and carefully, slowly climbed up onto a counter stool. If you cant eat all your chocolate, it will keep in the freezer. Deal? When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate. And I don't love chocolate. Nibbling is not enough, know that I want to devour you fast. Do you mind if I share these chocolate with you? Because he was moo-dy! Required fields are marked *. The only favorite thing I have in this cruel world aside from sweets is having you in my life. Diet Advice Donut rain on my parade. "I've never laughed a woman in to bed, but I've laughed one out of bed many times.". I live for it. What use are cartridges in battle? In 1724, Dr. Richard Brookes claimed that chocolate prolonged life and cured ringworm and ulcers. What chocolate bar never laughs at jokes? I'm afraid you're going to have to stop masturbating." "I don't understand, doc," the patient says. Donut worry, be happy! Id love to be that cookie youre eating because they have the excuse to get close to your lips. the cashier said " sure" "hand me a chocolate bar" he ate it. You have this ability to make me so happy like only sweet foods can do. 1. Hershey Common and the Heat Ray. That is, a swimming stroke, a golf stroke, a tennis stroke I do not want a piece of you because I wanted the whole lot of you. But he minded his own business.Why did the chocolate bar go to the dentist?He had a chip in his tooth.Why is a Toblerone triangular?So it fits in the box.There are two types of people in this world:People who love chocolate and liars.What is the opposite of Chocolate?Chocoearly.What Christmas carol do candy bars sing?Almond Joy To The World.Why did the Oreo go to the dentist?Because it lost its filling! Babe, you look absolutely better when you take that wrapper off of you. I dont understand why so many so called chocolate lovers complain about the calories in chocolate, when all true chocoholics know that it is a vegetable. Linda Grayson, The Printwick Papers. A chocolate baa.They just discovered an Egyptian tomb filled with hazelnuts and chocolate. 84. mi tief three chocolate bars. Girl: Well that's because He's a life saver! It's been over 2 millenia and we're still waiting for his SECOND coming!" Some like it hot, some like it cold; I like it chocolate! Do you think you need more sweet? More jokes for some laughs! Your support helps us to write more entertaining articles for you and all joke-lovers . Here youll find the best chocolate jokes, were sure youll agree. Donut kill my vibe. What do you get when you dip a kitten in chocolate? These cute and funny Valentine's Day sayings are sweeter than chocolate and guaranteed to make your loved ones (both kids and adults) LOL all day long. Where did the chocolate couple stay for their honeymoon? (Its the only planet with chocolate.). Let's bake it happen! Are you chocolate? These chocolate knock-knock jokes are sure to put a smile on your face. Babe, you know what's better than that Tootsie roll? Copy This. You look like you could use some hot chocolate Well, I got some sweet white chocolate. Required fields are marked *. Q: What job function does a complete moron have in an M&M factory? . My final hope for a smokin' hot body! I donut want to glaze over the fact that I like you a hole lot. A handful of the funniest chocolate jokes will make your holiday celebration dramatic and merriment-filled. Are you cold? What do you call a womanising chocolate? The solution: Eat it in the parking lot. Knock Knock! Chocolate Chip Wookiee. President Lincoln was approached by a woman after a political speech. We have a fun collection of friendly and delicious jokes, riddles, and puns about chocolate that are clean and safe to use. Because I want to cum inside your chocolate factory. I only wanted a weeks supply of sweets instead I got a lifetime supply because I got you. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. What do you call a womanising chocolate? I hope your having gelato fun on your birthday! Don't bite off more than you can chew, unless its chocolate. It will not make you pregnant. Chocolates are an excellent energy-booster, but they go extremely wild when kids have overeaten. When it's the pope's turn, he asks: "Do you know about our lord and savior Jesus Christ?" Returning visitor? One key, not just to keeping weight down and staying guilt-free, but also to keeping taste buds sharp (essential for the professionals who evaluate new products as well as judge recipes), is being discriminating. There are other ways to make them happy, like our chocolate jokes. I feel the rush upon eating chocolate whenever I hold your hand. The total text used must be less than one paragraph, and the website must give credit to and link back to this page. Bad knees.. What's the best part of Valentines Day? Soon she was fondling my Peter Pan and ZagNut and I knew it wouldn't be long before I blew my Milk Duds clear to Mars that gave her a taste of the old Milky Way. If I have chocolate around, I will eat it. Chocolate is cheaper than therapy and you dont need an appointment. Heist cream! Chocolate Chip Wookiee. Mostly disappointing. The chemist sees the glass as completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the gaseous state. Chocolate fantasy in progress. The electricians favorite ice cream flavor is shock-a-lot. What do you get when you cross beer with a chocolate bar? Eve left the Garden of Eden for chocolate!